Couple looking to shift hundreds of boxes of 100th birthday paraphernalia

A couple are looking to shift a whole bunch of unwanted centenary celebration merchandise, it has been reported

An entrepreneurial couple have a whole warehouse of 100^th birthday celebration products they are looking to shift at a discount price, following the news of the death of the Duke of Edinburgh, sources can reveal

George and Anne Mildew from Sandhurst, Berkshire, today said that they had been “looking forward” to the Duke’s centenary celebrations in June but now that he is dead they are left with a “ton of unwanted merch,” I Knead The Truth was told.

“It’s a bit of a kick in the teeth,” said George Mildew, 64, who along with his wife Anne had been planning to sell 100^th birthday celebrations paraphernalia in anticipation of street parties in June.

Sadly for the couple it appears that due to the unforeseen death of the 99-year-old, those celebrations have been put, quite literally, on ice.

“What are you supposed to do with 1500 12 foot ice sculpture of prince Phillip?” said Mr Mildew who said the royal sculptures were “sitting in a butcher’s freezer” until further notice.

“I can’t lie, I’m disappointed the duke couldn’t just be kept on a machine or something at least until the day after his 100^th birthday,” said Anne, a former Wetherspoons regional manager.

Sources say the patriotic pair had invested heavily in hundredth birthday merchandise, including Prince Phillip-themed bunting, novelty ceramic egg cups, nodding duke heads for car dashboards, and “thousands of Prince Phillip colour-changing pens,” which the Mildews were “hoping to flog” at a profit, but now it seems they will be fortunate to attract any customers.

“No one’s really going to fancy a street party for a funeral,” said Anne, who is struggling to know what to do with 12,000 wall clocks with Prince Phillip’s face on.

With a warehouse full of worthless dead royal 100^th birthday paraphernalia, George and Anne confirmed they may be forced to try Ebay or a bootsale, or “if it came to it,” they haven’t ruled out “repurposing” the celebratory birthday products as funeral mementos.

However, according to Mr Mildew, it may “prove difficult” to alter the message on the Official Prince Phillip Birthday Blimp into something more sombre.

“I think it would be, at best, inaccurate to fly a blimp over London with the message ‘one hundred not out’,” lamented Anne.